Sunday's Jokes ^^

An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replied,
“I’d like to have some birth control pills.”

Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you’re 80 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?”

The woman replied, “They help me sleep better.”

The doctor considered this for a second, and continued… “How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?”

The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better at night.”

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"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.

"Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"

"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.

"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said.
"Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"

"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."

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An investment firm is hiring mathematicians. After the first round of interviews, three hopeful recent graduates - a pure mathematician, an applied mathematician, and a graduate in mathematical finance - are asked what starting salary they are expecting.

The pure mathematician: "Would $30,000 be too much?"
The applied mathematician: "I think $60,000 would be OK."
The math finance person: "What about $300,000?"

The personnel officer is flabberghasted: "Do you know that we have a graduate in pure mathematics who is willing to do the same work for a tenth of what you are demanding!?"

"Well, I thought of $135,000 for me, $135,000 for you - and $30,000 for the pure mathematician who will do the work."