Saturday, January 10, 2009
The Jokes From Malaysia ..
The Parrot
Mrs. Wong's dishwasher quits working so she calls a repairman. Since she has to go to work the next day, she tells him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the cheque. Oh, by the way, don't worry about my Bull Dog, he won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!"
When the repair man arrives at Mrs. Wong's apartment the next day, he discovers the biggest and meanest Bull Dog he has ever seen. But just as she said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his business.
The Parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing, and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!"
To which the parrot replied,"Get him, Spike!"
..::Malaysia English vs Britain English::..
Learn la veli usefull one kekekekeke...Compare these phrases that Malaysians and Britons use to say the same thing:
WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.
RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hallo, who page?
ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY.
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me
WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians: No-need, lah.
WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?
WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!
WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?
WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Doe-waaaan!
IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shaddap lah!
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?
WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!
WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: Wat happen Why lidat????ADUI!!! (jumping to conclusion)
WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it here let me show you.
Malaysians:Hoi!!!u pig ar lidat also doe no how to do!!!!
WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians:Celaka u/LANCAUUUUUUUU/cibai la/puki mak/punya ma!!!
Stupid Drivers
Two rich men were talking over coffee one day and one of them said to the other one "Hey I tell you my driver is really stupid... you don't believe?
Let me show you." and he called his driver Ah Beng over and said "Ah Beng, here is a 10 dollar note, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes." to which Ah Beng replied, "Yes Sir! right away!" and rushed off to the showroom.
The rich man turned to his friend and said, "See, I told you he was stupid." The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see stupid, I will show you stupid." and he called his driver, Ali. "Ali, go home now and check to see if I'm at home." to which Ali said, "Yes Sir, right away Sir." and ran home. "See what I told you? He doesn't even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here."
Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Ah Beng said to Ali, "Eh, you know my boss is sooo stupid. He gave me 10 dollars and ask me to go to the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes..... Doesn't he know that today is Sunday lah, the showroom is closed!" Ali replied, "You think he is stupid ah? My boss lagi worse, he asked me to go home to check if he is at home.... He got hand phone what, can just call up to check lah!!!!"
Mrs. Wong's dishwasher quits working so she calls a repairman. Since she has to go to work the next day, she tells him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the cheque. Oh, by the way, don't worry about my Bull Dog, he won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!"
When the repair man arrives at Mrs. Wong's apartment the next day, he discovers the biggest and meanest Bull Dog he has ever seen. But just as she said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his business.
The Parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing, and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!"
To which the parrot replied,"Get him, Spike!"
..::Malaysia English vs Britain English::..
Learn la veli usefull one kekekekeke...Compare these phrases that Malaysians and Britons use to say the same thing:
WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.
RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hallo, who page?
ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY.
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me
WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians: No-need, lah.
WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?
WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!
WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?
WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Doe-waaaan!
IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shaddap lah!
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?
WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!
WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: Wat happen Why lidat????ADUI!!! (jumping to conclusion)
WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it here let me show you.
Malaysians:Hoi!!!u pig ar lidat also doe no how to do!!!!
WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians:Celaka u/LANCAUUUUUUUU/cibai la/puki mak/punya ma!!!
Stupid Drivers
Two rich men were talking over coffee one day and one of them said to the other one "Hey I tell you my driver is really stupid... you don't believe?
Let me show you." and he called his driver Ah Beng over and said "Ah Beng, here is a 10 dollar note, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes." to which Ah Beng replied, "Yes Sir! right away!" and rushed off to the showroom.
The rich man turned to his friend and said, "See, I told you he was stupid." The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see stupid, I will show you stupid." and he called his driver, Ali. "Ali, go home now and check to see if I'm at home." to which Ali said, "Yes Sir, right away Sir." and ran home. "See what I told you? He doesn't even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here."
Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Ah Beng said to Ali, "Eh, you know my boss is sooo stupid. He gave me 10 dollars and ask me to go to the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes..... Doesn't he know that today is Sunday lah, the showroom is closed!" Ali replied, "You think he is stupid ah? My boss lagi worse, he asked me to go home to check if he is at home.... He got hand phone what, can just call up to check lah!!!!"
This is the reason why the boss can faint when he see the form filled by the interviewer.
Name: Ah Boy
Age: Still young
Sex: Never. Still under age
Religion: I only have experience praying my cat who dead 2 years before
Race: I love to race, how you know?
Nationality: I don't like National, I prefer Sanyo
IC Number: 6735
Telephone number: House no telephone
Hand phone number: 3310
Address: Penang Jelutong
City : Nor Haliza?
Postcode: I never post anything
State: In my family, I am 2nd
Country: I love to travel to Canada
Marriage status: Secret
Email Address: Hotmail
Education Background: My teacher said not bad
Working experience: Last time got sell pirated VCD
Father's name: Daddy
Father's IC: You ask him
Mother's name: Mummy
Mother's IC: You ask her
Current Salary: Depends on my daddy mood
Expected Salary: As much as you can pay
When can start work: Depends on my mood
Highest qualification: Ya, very high
Grade: Ya, very high
College/University: College
Signature: Can I use chop?
Enjoy !! m3ngz~(=.=)
Enjoy !! m3ngz~(=.=)
Five (5) lessons to make you think about the way we treat people.
1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.
During my second month of college, our professor
gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student
and had breezed through the questions until I read
the last one:
'What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?'
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the
cleaning woman several times. She was tall,
dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?
I handed in my paper, leaving the last question
blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if
the last question would count toward our quiz grade.
'Absolutely,' said the professor. 'In your careers,
you will meet many people. All are significant. They
deserve your attention and care, even if all you do
is smile and say 'hello.'
I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her
name was Dorothy.
2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain
One night, at 11:3 0 p.m., an older African American
woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway
trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had
broken down and she desperately needed a ride.
Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally
unheard of in those conflict-filled 60s.. The man
took her to safety, helped her get assistance and
put her into a taxicab.
She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his
address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a
knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a
giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A
special note was attached..
It read:
'Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway
the other night. The rain drenched not only my
clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along.
Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying
husband's bedside just before he passed away.. God
bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving
others.'
Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.
3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less,
a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and
sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him..
'How much is an ice cream sundae?' he asked.
'Fifty cents,' replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and
studied the coins in it.
'Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?' he inquired.
By now more people were waiting for a table and the
waitress was growing impatient.
'Thirty-five cents,' she brusquely replied.
The little boy again counted his coins.
'I'll have the plain ice cream,' he said.
The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on
the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice
cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress
came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the
table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish,
were two nickels and five pennies..
You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had
to have enough left to leave her a tip.
4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a
roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if
anyone would remove the huge rock Some of the
king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by
and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the
King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did
anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of
vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the
peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the
stone to the side of the road. After much pushing
and straining, he finally succeeded. After the
peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed
a purse lying in the road where the boulder had
been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note
from the King indicating that the gold was for the
person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The
peasant learned what many of us never understand!
Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.
5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a
hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who
was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only
chance of recovery appeared to be a blood
transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had
miraculously survived the same disease and had
developed the antibodies needed to combat the
illness.. The doctor explained the situation to her
little brother, and asked the little boy if he would
be willing to give his blood to his sister.
I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a
deep breath and saying, 'Yes I'll do it if it will
save her.' As the transfusion progressed, he lay in
bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did,
seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his
face grew pale and his smile faded.
He looked up at the doctor and asked with a
trembling voice, 'Will I start to die right away'.
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the
doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his
sister all of his blood in order to save her but he had chosen to save her anyway.
Enjoy !! m3ngz~(=.=)
During my second month of college, our professor
gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student
and had breezed through the questions until I read
the last one:
'What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?'
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the
cleaning woman several times. She was tall,
dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?
I handed in my paper, leaving the last question
blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if
the last question would count toward our quiz grade.
'Absolutely,' said the professor. 'In your careers,
you will meet many people. All are significant. They
deserve your attention and care, even if all you do
is smile and say 'hello.'
I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her
name was Dorothy.
2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain
One night, at 11:3 0 p.m., an older African American
woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway
trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had
broken down and she desperately needed a ride.
Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally
unheard of in those conflict-filled 60s.. The man
took her to safety, helped her get assistance and
put her into a taxicab.
She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his
address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a
knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a
giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A
special note was attached..
It read:
'Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway
the other night. The rain drenched not only my
clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along.
Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying
husband's bedside just before he passed away.. God
bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving
others.'
Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.
3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less,
a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and
sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him..
'How much is an ice cream sundae?' he asked.
'Fifty cents,' replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and
studied the coins in it.
'Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?' he inquired.
By now more people were waiting for a table and the
waitress was growing impatient.
'Thirty-five cents,' she brusquely replied.
The little boy again counted his coins.
'I'll have the plain ice cream,' he said.
The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on
the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice
cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress
came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the
table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish,
were two nickels and five pennies..
You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had
to have enough left to leave her a tip.
4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a
roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if
anyone would remove the huge rock Some of the
king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by
and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the
King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did
anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of
vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the
peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the
stone to the side of the road. After much pushing
and straining, he finally succeeded. After the
peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed
a purse lying in the road where the boulder had
been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note
from the King indicating that the gold was for the
person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The
peasant learned what many of us never understand!
Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.
5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a
hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who
was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only
chance of recovery appeared to be a blood
transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had
miraculously survived the same disease and had
developed the antibodies needed to combat the
illness.. The doctor explained the situation to her
little brother, and asked the little boy if he would
be willing to give his blood to his sister.
I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a
deep breath and saying, 'Yes I'll do it if it will
save her.' As the transfusion progressed, he lay in
bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did,
seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his
face grew pale and his smile faded.
He looked up at the doctor and asked with a
trembling voice, 'Will I start to die right away'.
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the
doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his
sister all of his blood in order to save her but he had chosen to save her anyway.
Enjoy !! m3ngz~(=.=)
Monday, January 5, 2009
-- Lameness from C h y i --
Case 1~~
Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said , ' My Mobile No. Has Changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'
Case 2~~
Ah Beng: I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, wat is he studying?
Ah Beng : No, he is not studying, they are Studying him
Case 3~~
Ah Beng : Doctor , in my dreams , i play football every night.
Dr: Take this tablet , you will be ok!
Ah Beng: Can i take tomorrow? Tonite is Final game.
Case 4~~
Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No !! I'll stay with my sister . But if i die , will you remarry?
Ah Beng: No! I'll also stay with your sister.
Case 5~~
Ah Beng: People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng: When I went to the Park today, everybody said, "Oh GOD ! You Have come again."
Lame 6~~
Ah Beng complained to the police : "Sir, all items are missing,except the TV in my house."
Police:"How the thief did not take TV?"
Ah Beng : " I was watching TV news..."
Lame 7~~
Ah Beng comes back to his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'. He writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for complement.'
Lame 8 ~~
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
Lame 9~~
Once Ah beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other. So the man asked why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
Lame 10~~
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings.He picks it up and says " Hello,how did you know I was here?"
Lame 11th~~
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Ah Beng: If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
Lame 12th~~
Teacher : ' I Killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is " You will go to jail "
Lame 13th~~
Ah Beng told his servant : ' Go and water the plants!'
Servant: ' It's already raining.'
Ah Beng: 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'
Last-th Lameness~~
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not in the morning?
Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM
Enjoy !! m3ngz~(=.=)
Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said , ' My Mobile No. Has Changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'
Case 2~~
Ah Beng: I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, wat is he studying?
Ah Beng : No, he is not studying, they are Studying him
Case 3~~
Ah Beng : Doctor , in my dreams , i play football every night.
Dr: Take this tablet , you will be ok!
Ah Beng: Can i take tomorrow? Tonite is Final game.
Case 4~~
Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No !! I'll stay with my sister . But if i die , will you remarry?
Ah Beng: No! I'll also stay with your sister.
Case 5~~
Ah Beng: People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng: When I went to the Park today, everybody said, "Oh GOD ! You Have come again."
Lame 6~~
Ah Beng complained to the police : "Sir, all items are missing,except the TV in my house."
Police:"How the thief did not take TV?"
Ah Beng : " I was watching TV news..."
Lame 7~~
Ah Beng comes back to his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'. He writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for complement.'
Lame 8 ~~
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
Lame 9~~
Once Ah beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other. So the man asked why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
Lame 10~~
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings.He picks it up and says " Hello,how did you know I was here?"
Lame 11th~~
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Ah Beng: If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
Lame 12th~~
Teacher : ' I Killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is " You will go to jail "
Lame 13th~~
Ah Beng told his servant : ' Go and water the plants!'
Servant: ' It's already raining.'
Ah Beng: 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'
Last-th Lameness~~
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not in the morning?
Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM
Enjoy !! m3ngz~(=.=)
College reopens ~
Work hard for flying colours for AS + A2 !
And as usual, trademark sleeping picture :)
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And as usual, trademark sleeping picture :)
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