Ah Beng's Jokes!!

source: hotmail

Firing Squad…
During the Japanese Occupation, Ah Beng, Ah Lok and Ah Piow were caught for smuggling. They were sentenced to death by firing squad.
That night, Ah Beng came up with a plan. He told the others that the Japanese were afraid of natural disasters. So he would cause them to panic, and escape in the confusion.
The next morning, Ah Lok was led to the wall. The firing squad was lined up and the Captain commanded, "Ready.. Aim..", but before he could complete, Ah Lok shouted, " Earthquake!! Earthquake!" The Japanese soldiers panicked and Ah Lok made his escape.
Later, the soldiers took Ah Piow out and the firing squad were ready. The captain commanded, "Ready... Aim..." This time Ah Piow shouted. " Flood! Flood!!" Again, the Japanese soldiers panicked and this time, Ah Piow made his escape.
Soon, it was Ah Beng's turn. The soldiers lined up in front of him. The captain started, "Ready, Aim…..." Then Ah Beng, and shouted, " FIRE!!! FIRE!!! "

Burnt red ears..
Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring lor- but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear. So kena lor!" "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. When the doctor finished treating Ah Beng’s right ear, he proceeded to treat Ah Beng’s left ear. The doctor was curious and asked Ah Beng, "I know what happened to your right ear. But why is your left ear also red ?” Ah Beng replied, “That stupid fellow called again !!!”

Motor workshop business...
Ah Beng started a car workshop. He bought the best car servicing equipment and hired all the workers he needed. Then he waited and waited but no cars came for service. After one month, he could not take it anymore and asked his friend. “Heh ! Why no one come to my workshop one ah ?” His friend replied , “ Ah Beng, your garage is on the second floor lah”

Sleeping in class ?..
Ah Beng was in a large class and fell asleep and started snoring. The teacher heard someone snoring and shouted , “Who is snoring ?”. Ah Beng was suddenly woken up by the shout and replied ? “I don’t know sir, I was sleeping”

Summons for illegal parking..
Ah Beng was rushing for a meeting in a busy shopping complex. When he arrived, the car parks were all full. So he circled the car park nearly 100 times but could not find one. Finally he decided to do an illegal parking and put a note on his wind screen, “I have gone round the car park 100 times and could not find a parking space. Please forgive me for my trespasses”.
When Ah Beng came back, he got back to his car and found a parking ticket and a note, “I have been rounding the car park for the last 10 years. If I do not give you a ticket, I will be in trouble. Lead me not into temptation”.

With his mathematics teacher..
Ah Beng’s mathematics teacher asked him, “ If I have 7 oranges in one hand and 8 oranges on the other, what would I have?

The smart aleck Ah Beng said, “You have very big hands, Sir ”

Free hair cut..
One day a florist goes to the barber for a haircut. After the cut he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: I am sorry I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing a community service. The florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and one dozen roses waiting at his door. On the second day, a cop goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: I'm sorry I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service. The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and one dozen donuts waiting at his door. On the third day, Ah Beng goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: I'm sorry I can't accept money from you, I'm doing a community service. Ah Beng is happy and leaves. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop.
Guess what he finds there???

Ah Beng and a dozen of his friends waiting for a free haircut!!!!


In a court room...
Judge to Ah Beng: Ah Beng, you should be ashamed of yourself. This is the third time you are coming here this year . When are you going to improve yourself ?


Ah Beng to judge: But sir, you come here evely day ?

COINCIDENCE...
Teacher: Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
Ah Beng : Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time." Coincidence or not ?”.

Space exploration...
One day, Ah Beng was having a discussion with his American and Russian friend. They were boasting how great their countries were. So the American said "By 2020, we in America will be sending our space shuttle to Mars". The Russian friend thought for a while and wanted to beat the American and said ," By 2020, the Russians will be sending the space shuttle to Venus". Ah Beng thought for a while and wanted to beat both of them. So Ah Beng said 'By 2020, we will be sending our space shuttle to the Sun".

There was silence for a moment. Then the curious American asked Ah Beng, "Ah Beng, don't you think the sun is too hot for the space shuttle to land ?". So Ah Beng replied, "Don’t worry lah, we will make our landing in the evening. Evening, not so hot lo…".