Jokes are back!!

Stupid Drivers

Two rich men were talking over coffee one day and one of them said to the other one "Hey I tell you my driver is really stupid... you don't believe?
Let me show you." and he called his driver Ah Beng over and said "Ah Beng, here is a 10 dollar note, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes." to which Ah Beng replied, "Yes Sir! right away!" and rushed off to the showroom.
The rich man turned to his friend and said, "See, I told you he was stupid." The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see stupid, I will show you stupid." and he called his driver, Ali. "Ali, go home now and check to see if I'm at home." to which Ali said, "Yes Sir, right away Sir." and ran home. "See what I told you? He doesn't even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here."
Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Ah Beng said to Ali, "Eh, you know my boss is sooo stupid. He gave me 10 dollars and ask me to go to the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes..... Doesn't he know that today is Sunday lah, the showroom is closed!" Ali replied, "You think he is stupid ah? My boss lagi worse, he asked me to go home to check if he is at home.... He got hand phone what, can just call up to check lah!!!!"

Green, Pink, Yellow, Blue, White, Purple, Black

Ah Beng went for an job interview for a sales job. When the manager saw Ah Beng's colourful attire, his mind is shouting "Not this man!!"
Nevertheless he still had to entertain Ah Beng. So he told Ah Beng, "If you can form a sentence using the words I gave you, then maybe I will give you a chance!"
"The words are Green, Pink, Yellow, Blue, White, Purple, Black".
Ah Beng thought for a while and said "I heard the phone go green, green, and then I went to pink up the phone and said Yellow.Blue's that? White did you say? Aiyoh, long number. Don't Purplely disturb people and don't call Black la ok?"

The leaking boat

Once upon a time three people were stranded out at sea - A Japanese, a Malaysian and an Indonesian. The boat started leaking and if they do not act fast they would all die.
The Japanese (as usual) was the first to take the initiative. He threw all his Japanese gizmo - CD player, hi-fi, radio etc. off the boat. The Malaysian and the Indonesian looked at him in disbelief. The Japanese said, "Don't worry.. still got a lot more in my country.. BANZAIIIEE!"
But the boat was still sinking. The Indonesian without hesitation started throwing aboard all his baju batik, kain batik, keretek, etc., etc. He comforted the other two, "Don't worry.. still have a lot more in my country, paknya".
But still the boat was sinking. The Japanese and the Indonesian looked at the Malaysian. Suddenly, without any hesitation and with stride, the Malaysian threw the Indonesian overboard. The poor guy couldn't swim and drowned. The Japanese was shocked. Said the Malaysian, "Don't worry... still got a lot more in MY country!!!".

It's shit but we never stepped on it..

Ahmad, Kumar and Ah Beng was walking along a street when they suddenly spotted a mysterious object on the floor. They drew closer to the object and Ahmad made a remark, "Looks like shit lah!!".
Then Kumar take a sniff at the object and said, "Smells like shit also!!"
Ah Beng then poked his finger in the object and put it in his mouth. He said, "Confirmed..it's shit!! Phew..luckily we never stepped on it!!!".

Papa

The 10 years old Malaysian Chinese boy, Ah Beng yelled from the back: "Papa! PAPA! PA!PA!"
His dad, Ah Kow was very angry at his son's yelling. He reprimanded Ah Beng: " Ah Beng, stop yelling across the house! If you want to talk to me, walk over to the living room where I am".
So Ah Beng walked inside the house.
Ah Beng: "Papa, I stepped in dog shit! Where is the hose?"

haha..

Ah Beng went to the doctor and reported, "Doc, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts."
The doctor began his diagnostic, "OK. Touch your elbow." When Ah Beng touched his elbow, he yelled showing that he was definitely in genuine pain. The doctor, surprised, continued his diagnostic, "Touch your head." Ah Beng touched his head and jumped in agony.The doctor asked him to touch his knee and the same thing happened. Everywhere Ah Beng touched he hurt like hell. The doctor was stumped and ordered a complete examination with X-Ray, etc. and ordered Ah Beng to come back in two days.
Two days later Ah Beng came back and the doctor happily told him, "We've found your problem.""Oh yeah? What is it?""You've broken your finger!"

Say Cheese

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to show them what has happened. A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken to the first body.
'Clinton, 60, died of heart failure whilst in bed with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector,' says the Coroner.
The DI is taken to the second dead man. 'Suharto, 70, made a pile from government funds, and spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.
'Nothing unusual here', thinks the DI, and asks to be shown the last body.
Ah,' says the coroner. 'This is the most unusual one. Dr. Ahmad, 75, struck by lightning.'
'Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Inspector.
To which the coroner replies, 'He thought he was having his picture taken.'